Friday, March 16, 2007


Unusual to think this way, right? Well, first, there's this 5k I'm supposed to be doing tomorrow. After the last 5k fiasco back in February, I've lost some confidence in my ability to pull off even a 10 min. steady pace. Between that race and now, the weather has been horrible, my dad died, and my PF flared up almost unbearably, putting me way behind in my training miles. Add to that just a little bit of feeling down, probably more so than a week ago, with the realization that I won't be seeing my dad again or doing any of the things I had been doing with or for him. That should be somewhat of a relief, but it is really just grief, I know. And my sleeping hasn't been the best in weeks, probably adding to this melancholy feeling. I've been extremely tired this week, especially after workouts too, and have been skipping a lot of them. So, you can see how I would be reluctant to get too worked up about this race. If the weather was like it was a few days ago, 50-60 degree temps, I think I would be looking forward to it more. But now that the weather has gone back to being colder than normal, it doesn't seem like any fun. Even if I skip it, I still am scheduled to work tomorrow afterward, adding to the frustration of the week.

And then there would be Sunday, and most likely another day at my dad's sorting and cleaning. That job in itself isn't what bothers me. What bothers me is the long drive there and back and then my brother pestering me while I am there, always wanting to know what I'm doing, "suggesting" things that I need to do, and generally just getting in the way. I feel like I've got a two year old around that needs to be watched constantly because they always get into things. And that's exactly what he does. Gets into things. Because he is always at some stage of being drunk, he starts doing something, stops, goes to something else, and then goes back to what he first started. And doesn't remember anything later. I lock the door so he doesn't just barge in, but he ends up pounding on the door until someone lets him in, and then is angry because he is locked out. He assumes I lock the door because I am "scared" of being in the house alone, but the truth is I am only "scared" of him and his annoying self. What aggravates me the most is the fact that he thinks it is necessary for him to come in and throw things away without asking, check the water softener, check the lights, turn off the refrigerator, check the thermostat, grumble about not having a key, and generally just trying to hang around, when any and all of these things were a bother to him when my dad was alive. Too little, too late. Because of that, I have to keep going back to do things I could have gotten done on one or two trips. When I leave there, I am angry and frustrated at him, and my nerves are frazzled.

So yeah, I'm not necessarily looking forward to this weekend. What I am looking forward to, however, is a visit to Tucson, AZ, to visit none other than Fe-lady on March 27. She has been gracious enough to invite me down with a place to stay. I had been hoping to go earlier this winter, but it never worked out. I also plan to visit some relatives in Apache Junction, where I went last year. I don't usually get too worked up about doing something until just before it is time to go, but would be a whole lot more excited about everything if I didn't have all this other baggage hanging over my head. Hopefully, I shake this whole thing before I go. I want to be able to enjoy the weather and sunshine and relax!


Lisa - Slow & Steady said...

I finally found your blog through Flo's blog. When you've left comments on mine, there wasn't a link back to your blog. So it has taken me some time to find you.

Maybe you ca do the 5K with no goal other than to finish and use the run time to 'clear your head'.

Sounds like a mentally challenging weekend, but you have a nice trip coming soon!

bunnygirl said...

It's just a 5K. Don't worry about your pace. You can even walk it, if you like. Or skip it if if you think it will aggravate your PF. Our sport is supposed to be fun, so if you're not going to enjoy it, do something else. There will be other 5Ks.

That sucks about your brother, but I hope you can stay focused on your upcoming trips and not let the negativity bring you down. Just count the hours you'll have to spend with your brother and count them off in your head like you would the miles on a training run. And when you're through, get out and think about something else. Until your brother gets help, there's nothing you can do about him, anyway.

Good luck, and I hope the weekend turns out more pleasant than you're expecting!

Shelley said...

Yay!!! Glad you're getting away nice that felady is inviting you!!!

Fe-lady said...

Take her easy...I am going to MAKE you relax a bit when you get here!!! :-)
Run the 5K as will clear your head.

Flo said...

Since I've inherited your PF, I'd say run the 5k if you feel up to it as a fun run. Forget about time for this one.

As for your brother, that's too bad. I do know what it's like to have idiots for siblings. I just hope it's over soon.

Wow, have fun in Arizona. That should be a nice break for you.

WADDLER26.2 said...

You'll do great and the weather is good. You'll enjoy your trip to Arizona. Hope to talk to you about IM Kentucky- I'd like to volunteer. Maybe a meet-up??

TxSkatemom said...

this is probably too late, but I'd suggest finding a little kid who is running it and go with him/her and coach them along at their pace. you'll feel great, you'll still get in a good, casual, fun run, and you'll have helped someone else feel great about their run. and don't do anything you don't want to do.