Wednesday, November 28, 2007


ONCE A CAREGIVER...
Yeah, I don't know why, but here I am again, in the role of caregiver. After my dad died earlier this year, I felt a huge void in my life, having been a constant caregiver for over 6 years. Then, once he was gone, it actually took me a few months to realize I was free for the first time in a long time--no kids at home; no parents. And suddenly, I am thrust back into this role again.
Not that Don means to be a pest (LOL!), but before I can leave for work in the morning, I must make sure he has his breakfast, his water, his meds, the phone, the TV remote, something to do, and anything else I can think of. On top of getting myself ready. It reminds me of the days when my kids were small and still living at home and got so distracted I went to work with my coat over my robe.
Then, when I get home, its a repeat of the whole routine, and once again before bed. He can't help it--he's almost totally reliant on someone to help him right now. And I don't mind, really I don't. But once again, I find myself falling easily back into the role of caregiver. It makes me wonder.
I don't find it hard or inconvenient. But I don't necessarily feel this huge need to be depended on either. I am just doing what has to be done. Because I want to. Because someone has to. I couldn't help but think today about the fact that you think you know someone, and then something like this happens, and they become an invalid, but do you REALLY know them?
Like, do you know that they won't drink chocolate milk with toast with jelly?? Or that they didn't fix themselves something for lunch, but instead ate the last of the cherry pie from Thanksgiving?? Or that he would try to get around the house by himself, only to find that he really couldn't carry a glass of ice water with crutches?? Or that he would try to be tough guy and not take his pain meds, despite your first-hand knowledge that taking the pain meds on time really does help you sleep through the night.
So I am going to have to make some adjustments in my life. I have to wonder where this will lead me next. Stay tuned...

10 comments:

Sunshine said...

Thinking of you!!

Flo said...

Vickie, you're a good person!!! It will only be for a little while. Also, hopefully he'll learn these things and not try them again (hopefully :).

cindy said...

Good luck...hang in there!

You are a better care giver than I was after my husband had knee surgery years ago :)

Marcy said...

Vickie, you are the s-w-e-e-t-e-s-t person!!! ;D ;D

Don is very lucky to have you in his life :-)

WADDLER26.2 said...

Good luck. Patient and perserverance will get you through and the rewards will be many

Lisa - Slow & Steady said...

Hang in there!! You are very kind. Be patient and smile. :)

Non-Runner Nancy said...

Oh, you're doing great. Hang in there. Remember how much this probably sucks for him. My friend had this injury and she about went stir crazy. One day she called me crying because she ran out of Chi tea and she couldn't go to the grocery story and her husband was gone. I was laughing and crying both for her. She said she felt so high maintence but also would run out of things to do, to eat, to drink. She lived far away so I had stuff sent to her. I felt so bad. He is lucky to have you and you will likely earn a notch closer to heaven for this one!

Fe-lady said...

You are SO patient! I too have been in that role many times. We are given what we can handle...you need to be more of a whiner and then you won't get stuck with these scenarios! :-)
My best to you and Don!

jeanne said...

chocolate milk with toast and jam...yum!!!

what a great partner you are. don is a lucky guy.

See Zanne Run said...

you are so so so sweet. he is very lucky. i need to be more caring like you ... i have a hard time taking care of my husband when he is sick. i'm more of a "suck it up, honey" kind of girl.

i think some people are just born nurturers. nice people. i missed that one when it was getting handed out. i've perfected the art of impatience.

so once again - i will be amazed by all that you do! hang in there!