Friday, April 13, 2007


I just came back from having lunch with the girls at the club. Jan is heading to Boston for the marathon on Monday, and we wanted to get together with her before she leaves. We also were discussing a few club issues--locker room issues actually, and I started mentioning an incident that happened to me a few weeks back.

The incident in question happened on a weekend, a Saturday or Sunday, I can't remember now. As is typical when I go to the gym and/or work on the weekend, since my office is in the same building as the gym I go to now, I generally bring all the things I am going to want while at work--purse, food, drinks, etc. and attempt to juggle all this with my workout bag, etc. and make one trip into the building.

As I was struggling to get out my door access card, slide it into the slot, and then get the door opened, all the while juggling all my stuff and my 50 pound bag, a car drives up and parks next to mine and an older gentleman gets out of his Porsche. I recognized his car immediately, and knew he was a club member, as well as the local parking lot czar--meaning his family owns all the parking lots in the downtown municipal area. His office is across the street, yet he always parks next to the door of our building, sometimes leaving his car there for days if he goes out of town. Sometimes, I know he uses the gym too, and from what I've heard is demanding and condescending as well. He is also a sometimes client of the office, for his business work anyway, so I have heard other stories about this man and the way he treated people on business deals that were not flattering, leading me to an instant dislike without really knowing him (and not wanting to!).

This particular day in question, just as I am getting the door opened, I hear him call out something to me. Not paying attention at first, I didn't hear what he said. I turned toward him with an annoyed look on my face, I'm sure (his tone of voice brought that on), and said, "What?" He says, "Hold the door open for me." Now I'm thinking "WHAT?? You want me to do WHAT?" Here I am, holding 3 or 4 bags, my access card with my teeth, and trying to balance everything and get the door open, and this guy with nothing in his hands wants me to hold the door open for him?? So he doesn't have to get his card out? "I'll push the button for you," I said as I continued through the door, just barely getting my stuff in before it shut again. I continue on down the hallway to the gym doorway, when all of a sudden he's right behind me. "What did you say?" he snarls. I was a little afraid. I thought he was going to grab me or something.

I couldn't believe it. I really couldn't believe someone who expects to have a door opened for him can suddenly chase me down a hallway to see why I wouldn't hold a door for him, when as a gentleman he easily could have offered to get the door for me. But as I said, knowing the way he treats people, I really shouldn't have been surprised. I was really irritated now and quickly walked into the women's doorway and ignored him. Fortunately, he wasn't using the gym (as he rarely does) but was just using the building as a walkway to his office--across the street.

Fast forward to the Monday after, and the scenario was repeated, with me juggling a bunch of stuff to go to the gym and work in the morning, in addition to my coffee, and just as I'm about to walk through the women's door, this guy pops out of a darkened hallway and scares the crap out of me!

"What did you say to me the other day?" he again demands. OMG, I'm thinking. What a jerk! I pretended like I didn't know what he was talking about. "Well you seemed mad or something." I again ignored him and walked into the gym.

Fast forward to today at lunch, and who should walk into the club dining room, and you guessed it, cement czar as the Jan and Laurie, the other friend, call him. I was just going to mention the situation to them, as we discussed a few other incidents, when he walks over, interrupts us, asks Laurie what my name is, and says, "She must be mad at me. She wouldn't hold my door open."

It has been more than a month since this happened and the guy is still carrying it around with him. Unbelievable! He was angry too, when he asked for my name. I noticed he wouldn't address me, but had to ask someone else.

I guess the main reason I am irritated with this whole thing is he had the nerve to come to our table and bring this up, when he doesn't personally know any of us, and yet felt he had to interrupt our lunch to make his point.

I'm pretty sure this isn't over and wonder how someone might handle any future encounter with this idiot?


Sascha said...

I would try flirting. Maybe he thinks you're cute is is trying to flirt with you. You know, boys on the playground yanking pigtails?

Phoenix said...

This guy is obviously incredibly insecure. He reminds me of an article I just read that theorizes that very few people have a high self esteem and that those that seem to are really just narcissistic and self absorbed people working furiously to hide their feelings of inadequacy. He was so eaten up by a brief incident a month ago that he had to repeatedly bring it up. What power you have over him! If he brings it up again, I would just be honest with him in as friendly a tone as you can muster - "I'm sorry if I seemed angry - I was just about to drop all the stuff I was trying to carry and couldn't manage to hold the door for you. I could barely get it open for myself *insert good natured laugh*. I hope we can put it behind us now." Smile. He has to relent or he'll look like an a-hole. And obviously how he looks to other people is important to him. What a sad little man.

Flo said...

When he asked someone sitting with me for my name I would have opened up both barrels on him. I would have told him that I can speak for myself and if I wanted him to know my name I would tell him. I would then have proceeded to tell him why I hadn't hold the door for him (in detail) and then asked him if his life is so empty that he has to hold onto this for a month. Can't he grow up and get over it!!!

But that's me. I have a quick fuse and tend to blow without thinking first. I've yelled at the Mayor of Honolulu, celebrities, important business leaders. Yeah, it's kind of my trademark.

bunnygirl said...

Is there any particular reason you need to be nice to him? If I had no compelling reason to make nice, I'd tell him just what I thought of someone who expected a person with arms full of bags to hold the door.

But that's just me. I put up with way too many jerks in my younger years to have any patience for them now, unless they're threatening my safety or they have something to do with my paycheck.

Fe-lady said...

I would tell him that I said "Hold our own door you macho pig idiot of a man, and I use the term loosely"- OR "Meet me in the weight room, I bet I can bench more than you can!" :-)
Naw...he may tr to get you fired if he owns as much of the city like you say...!

Lisa - Slow & Steady said...

what i'd probably say: "you may have noticed that I had my hands full and was having a hard time keeping the door open for myself, it was nothing personal."

what i'd think, but not add: "actually, you are apparently too much of a self-centered moron to have noticed my hands full or you wouldn't have asked in the first place - you would have scrambled to help me out!!"

Ellie said...

This one leaves me stumped. I keep going back and forth between "He's an egomaniac ass" and "He's insecure and wants to make you not mad at him anymore."

Hopefully you can get there and see HIM starting to open the door and call, "Would you hold the door for me, please?"

Ross said...

I think in the situation at the restaurant you could have said in front of all those girls, "Don't you remember me, we had sex a while back. I sure remember you and your tiny weiner."