It seems as if my whole triathlon season has been one of making decision after decision after decision--something I'm not good at doing quickly. What I think is a done deal, ends up being a dilemma. And this Steelhead thing is starting to get ugly too.
I am frustrated about this--I have spent my entire year working around this race, making sure I am ready, rebuilding my base in all three sports, dealing with all the difficulties, but still thinking the day would come and things would be wonderful. And it was, pretty much. I know I had my doubts a month or so ago, but then things started turning around. I got a renewed faith in myself and my abilities.
That was before the ankle thing. As much as I want to be tough, strong, and carefree about this thing, I have way too much experience dealing with ankle sprains and other injuries to be naive enough to think it will go away just because I want it to. Or because I have a race I want to do. Or thinking my training will get me by.
Aargh! Last week, in the heat of the moment, I'm sure, I e-mailed the race director for Steelhead and asked about a deferral. Today, I got a positive response. And now I am torn again as to what to do.
Do I think I can run 13.1 miles with an ankle that still has an ankle bone twice the size as the other one? Doubtful. Do I think I can run through the sand and uneven ground for transitions, etc.? I don't see how. And yet I still have hope I can pull this off. I want to! I have been waiting for this for so long. (Trying not to get sappy and teary eyed here) All I can do is sigh. I don't understnd. I don't see why it always seems to happen to me.
I am trying not to rationalize this too much--if I do the race, will I ruin the rest of my year (I do have a few more tris and a half marathon I want to do or am already signed up for)? If I don't do the race, will I regret it? Should I just do the swim and bike? My swim is good, my bike is okay, but I have lost 3 weeks of my running base, at a time when I should have been building to my peak before the race, so that is lost right now. While I have done a few 20 min. runs with the ankle support, it is really my knee that concerns me more. The ellipitical has worked okay for 30 min. workouts, but my feet go numb any longer, so I hesitate to try to build on my run base using that as an alternative for longer time.
My gut feeling is to not do this, but is that being too wimpy? If I do the race, and I get two miles from the finish and reach the cutoff, then what? I'd be pushing the cutoff at my best, so what chance is there I can still pull this off? And if I work my butt off on the bike, will I still have enough in me to walk most of the run? And walking isn't much different than running--its still time on the feet, just longer if I walk.
I could go on, but you see what my dilemma is.