Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I'M NO HERO
Those are words I did not want to hear someone say about me connected to this IM training. When I think of a hero, its someone who saves someone from some catastrophe, or who puts their life on the line for others. Make no mistake, Ironman training is not about that. Its a totally selfish pursuit of a goal or dream. Amazing maybe. Remarkable possibly. But hero? No.
The day is getting close, the training winding down, and still there seems to be so much to do. Not only do I have the usual checklist of gear to assemble, the car to get checked out, and confirmations to be made on the place to stay, but I also have a hectic week and then some of work, with last minute deadlines and staying late to finish up, as well as Halloween festivities with the grandkids and a bridal showeron Sunday before I leave, all cutting into my reserves of energy I am trying to restore. And that doesn't even take into account getting ready for my son's wedding the Saturday after my race. I have errands to run every night after work and some lunch hours as well. I will get back into town late on Tuesday and will need to be back at work on Wed. and Thurs. and take Friday off again for the wedding on Saturday. Time is slipping away from me and it is not helping keep me distracted.
People are asking me daily about the event, making me feel pressured now about my performance and not letting anyone down, making me worry about finishing, or at least finishing within the deadlines. I know I have spent the better part of this year training, but I also feel some mistakes were made along the way, and I am hoping they don't come back to haunt me on race day. And yet, there are things I still have not done and am not likely to get done in the next less than a week before I leave.
Two nights of insomnia haven't helped either, again tapping into my reserve energy stores.
So no, I don't feel like a hero. I feel rather somewhat unprepared and nervous about not living up to my own expectations. But, ready or not, here I come.

9 comments:

Marlene said...

Oh my, you are one busy lady! I hope things settle down so you can get some rest before the big day. Thinking of you!

Big Daddy Diesel said...

You will do great, trust your training and enjoy your reward for all your hard work

I Run for Fun said...

Wow! That's a lot to accomplish in a couple of weeks. Good luck with everything. And remember to breathe every once in a while!

Missy said...

It'll be great, it'll be a great, great day. I can feel the stars aligning RIGHT NOW. The weather is going to be perfect, the water flat and we're gonna cruise on through...

IronLinae, PhD said...

You're coming to Beach to battlship, too? Awesome!

ShirleyPerly said...

Stay positive, Vickie! Take one step at a time and try not to get overwhelmed. Ask for help, ask for time off, ask for understanding of those who are making demands on you. No, we are not heroes but perhaps others and we, ourselves, sometimes think that we can do more than we really can, i.e., juggle 10 things while also training for an ironman. Try to do what you can to reduce the pressure and then the rest is up to you, how you handle things. Same as will be on race day.

Good luck with it all and See you soon!!

Lily on the Road said...

Vic, I'm sorry if it was me...

Yes, you are tapped out, yes your nerves are on the surface and yes, everyone who asks you about your training are only asking, not trying to suffocate you...

Stay positive, stay strong, the hard work it done, you will be so strong because you will dig deep into your reserve.

Please know, we aren't trying to "overwhelm" you...xoxoxoxox

we BELIEVE IN YOU...

Just_because_today said...

When you get there focus on yourself and enjoying your experience. I know exactly how you feel, the indirect pressure applied by friends wishing you well and I know too well about "being a hero" and not feeling like one. Those words I dont like either.
It is your event, you trained for it and for yourself so make it worth it for yourself.
Good luck

Aka Alice said...

I get what you mean about not being a hero...on the other hand, what is a hero? Someone who inspires others?

I've certainly be inspired by you, by your blog (even if I don't comment all the time, I certainly read), so...no pressure, but you are someone who inspires me to keep trying, even when I don't want to any more. I'm sure you are a hero to your family, to your friends.

Hang in there. You will have a great IM. You've earned it.