NOW I'M IN TROUBLE.

Last Sunday, on the last part of my run at the second triathlon, when I was so lost in thought I was oblivious to the fact someone in my age group might possibly be behind me, I had come to a conclusion about Steelhead--about not doing it this year. I figured I could transfer my registration, either to someone else or just to next year. Looking at the website today, I was reading about how to go about this, when I discovered the cutoff date was....June 1!

So, I've missed that. Now I don't know what to do, skip it and lose the money? Or drag myself through the whole thing.

Why do I think I'm not ready? Because I'm not. I know in part it is because of my injuries last year, with the unplanned layoff of almost 5 months, and then needing to rebuild almost from scratch, a base good enough to just get me through what I did last weekend. But a half Ironman? I'm thinking not. Once again, I was impulsive, or maybe too quick to think I would recover and get back to my old base just like that. It hasn't been that simple.

My swimming is okay but off from last year even at this time. My biking is just coming along, but still not where it should be for this type of event. My running is actually better than last year at this time, but definitely slower, so still leaving a lot to be desired. And overall mentally? Not sure this is something I can handle, physically or mentally.

I started realizing during my second race on the run that I wasn't ready to take on that much of an event--yet. I think I really should have given myself this year to rebuild and just do sprints or at least shorter tris. I can only envision being out there for 8 hours or more, way longer than I am sure I can handle at this point. I am good for about 4 hours; after that, I don't know.

So I will be trying to come to some sort of conclusion on this soon, for obvious reasons. If I do decide to go ahead with it, I probably will seek the advice of a coach in the area. If he doesn't think it is possible to bring me up far enough by the end of July, then I will just eat the loss and learn from the mistake.

After doing 72 miles on the bike, 23 miles running, and 1.5 miles swimming this week, I still just know I'm not ready. I'm not trying to wimp out, but maybe I am afraid. I thought it would be easier to get back to it. I thought my experience from the past would carry me through, but I'm not so sure. Truthfully, its not how much time it will take, but whether I can handle the amount of time. Will I break down somewhere and not be able to finish after all? Lots of doubts.

So, I don't know what to do.