I'M IN A SLUMP.

That is going to be me crossing the finish line at the 25k in 2 weeks. I totally wimped out on my hoped for 2 1/2 hour run, a time and distance that would have given me the confidence that I needed to pull off that distance.

"Hello, my name is Vickie, and I'm a poser." Yes, I totally blew it this weekend. I don't usually make lofty training goals that I know I can't reach. But somehow, I thought I could accomplish this, and yet this weekend, a crucial weekend, my mind said no. And what makes me most angry at myself is the weather was ideal, so no excuses there!

Back tracking to what led up to this uneventful weekend, I will start at Thursday, but the real trouble probably goes back farther. Thursday was a planned one hour run, following a one hour run on Tuesday and a shorter run and weights on Wednesday. I did okay through Wednesday, but was up too late that night and my alarm screwed up on Thursday, causing me to oversleep just long enough to not give me time to get the one hour in. I also seemed to be suffering somewhat from seasonal allergies, most likely tree pollen, and my eyes were puffy and sore feeling. I don't have too many of those days, thankfully. And I have been horribly busy at work, and had no chance to get to work late, being under deadline for several things that day. I brought clothes to "maybe" run outside at noon, or as a last resort after work. Noon came and went, with no chance to get away from my desk. Hmm, could that be due to a boss who comes in late every day and then likes to work straight through the day, including my alleged "lunch hour"? That would be part of it.

I did manage to get to a stopping point on the work to cut out 10 minutes early, giving me a chance to start my run right at 5 pm and be done by 6 so I could get home and tend to things there at a decent time. While I had hoped to run outside, it was blowing and raining, and mentally, hitting the treadmill was the only option. I knew once I started the belt moving, my body would cooperate. I grabbed a couple of club mints before starting my workout, the kind that have a soft, white coating over a harder mint. They're not my favorite, but they seem to hit the spot when my energy levels are questionable and I am thirsty besides. I ate those and started running. At exactly one hour, I hit the stop button, so grateful to be done. I actually kept myself going by watching TV, something I rarely do except on the really long treadmill runs. It was fairly warm in the cardio room, and I had to wipe sweat off my face regularly, yet somehow I missed one spot. When I finally got into the locker room to change, I couldn't believe my eyes: my lips were totally white! What?? Salt? Nope, I finally figured it was the mints. Naturally, people came and went during that hour and no one said a thing about the white lips. White. Totally.

That night, I didn't sleep too well. My middle toe was throbbing, and I was worried about a possible injury, or stress fracture starting. And my right hip was bothering me. It was time for my regular chiropractic adjustment the next day, so I figured that might help. Thankfully, the toe resolved itself by the next day. When I got up Friday morning, I contemplated not working out, but I had already taken one day off and decided I should at least swim. Surprisingly, I had a good swim: 3/4 mile in under 28 min. Since I swim in a short pool, the length of which is unknown to me, I have to go by laps/miles to know what I am swimming. I was tired and really feared I would not stick it out for a 3/4 mile swim, but I played mind games with myself, and instead of counting up, I counted backwards, and it seemed to go faster to me for once. For the last 1/4 mile, I pushed every other lap, so I'm sure that helped me get under 28 min. But if left me weak, no doubt.

All that day, my nose dripped and I decided to hit the allergy meds for relief. I really can't take too much during the day because it leaves me groggy, but I guess I was busy enough to not notice too much. The day flew by, and I warned my attorneys I needed to leave by 5 to get to my chiro appointment. Weekend work projects then came up, and I knew I was going to have to find someone else to cover. Even if it weren't for the planned long workout, I had other things that needed attention, and I couldn't see myself standing at a photocopier for 4-6 hours after running more than 2. So, I had to scramble around getting people lined up to work, then explain the projects, leaving me falling behind getting out of work on time. I finally left work at 5:40 and attempted to get to my 5:30 appointment, that they were now holding until 6 pm. I just made it and had hoped I would get some more relief from the hip/muscle discomfort, but being out of alignment wasn't the problem. I was really tired that night, and paced myself long enough to get supper made, the dishes cleaned up, and then I hit the hay.

I slept fairly well that night, but the alarm again screwed up, and I woke up on my own, later than planned. I wasn't going to run that day, but did have some shopping to do and then a soccer game to attend at 10 am, and the rest of the day was planned to spend at my dad's cleaning, packing, and sorting his stuff.

This was also a job I was behind on, due in part to either the family not helping with this job, or them wanting to just pick through his stuff like vultures, not doing anything but making a mess instead. And then dealing with my brother and his drunkenness every time I go there. Last weekend, after my 2 hour run Saturday and my 1 1/2 hour bike on Sunday, I met them at my dad's so they could "look" around and pick out some things for themselves. My one sister has been adamant that everyone should get a chance to take something of my dad's if they wanted it, while I have been more inclined to auction off everything to make it fair. And fair it wasn't, which didn't surprise me. As an example, I resisted putting my name on any particular item, so as not to appear greedy, only to have each one of them come in and be greedy themselves. Anything I expressed an interest in, someone else just "had to have," even though NONE of them had been out to visit my dad since he had moved there 5 years ago. (I don't mean they hadn't seen him, just hadn't bothered going to his home.) So, basically, I spent the next 4 hours standing around, settling disputes over who gets what. And then I had to spend another 45 minutes forcing my brother to discuss the house issues before he went off and started his daily drinking binge, that had been interrupted when they had a church event he couldn't get out of going to that day.

So I went into the week on a high, with lots of good running, but also went into the week tired and stressed. Sometimes these long workouts work in your favor; this time they didn't totally.

Saturday, then, after the soccer game, my daughter, grandson, and I went to my dad's, with the intention of packing up as much as we could in the 3 hours I had allotted. The first hour was shot to hell when my sister-in-law came down to chat. She hasn't been present since the funeral, and has never made any attempt to be helpful or friendly in the 14 years since she had been married to my brother, yet, here she was, wanting to chat. As it turned out, she actually wanted something. She wants to move into my dad's house because she and my brother are "done" as she puts it, yet she doesn't want to get divorced, just doesn't want to live with him anymore. So this opened up another can of worms. Once she finally left, we had to scramble around and try to get something done. During this time, my brother showed up, drunk as usual, and proceeded to tramp through the house, as is his usual habit when someone is there and he can get inside, pointing out to me things that need to be done. "Really? Thanks, because I wouldn't have thought of any of that myself." In the process, he opened the front door to check on the hornets that have been gathering for weeks now, building yet another nest. "Come and see the bees." "Shut the door so you don't let them all in!" And "I don't want to see any bees. I'm busy. Shut the door." Just like a little kid. When we left there that day, I had to go behind him shutting off all the lights he seemed to think were necessary to be on. Is he paying the electric bill? No! Off they went. But I forgot one important thing.

By the time I got home later that day, I was really feeling woozy from the allergy meds, the heat, and just generally being tired. I relaxed for a while, but it wasn't easy, because we had someone at the house doing some major yard work, and he kept interrupting me with requests for water, a hose, a rake, etc. (It was my nephew, so I didn't want to be mean.) By 8 pm, I was ready for bed, but somehow, sleep eluded me, and it was almost 11 before I fell asleep. Then, sometime after 3:30 am, I woke up in a panic and wondered if I had locked the front door of my dad's house. I was pretty sure my brother didn't do it when he had the door open, and I hadn't checked it. Damn! Now I would have to go back the next day.

I didn't go back to sleep the rest of the night, and finally got up around 6:30, figuring I would go on my long run early. I really didn't feel too well, and my nose was still acting up. Allergies, even minor ones, leave you feeling fatigued even without the meds, so I was really, really tired, and mentally not with the whole thing. I finally compromised with myself, figuring I might at least get it done if I had to do it on the treadmill and not go anywhere, so I would be close by when I got done, and also close by if I crashed and burned. After one mile, I threw in the towel. I was tired. My mind wasn't with it. I was worried about the house being open and my brother getting in there doing who knew what. I couldn't help but wonder if he planned it that way. He had tried to break in one other time. so it was a natural worry. I also had access to some boxes, so I changed my game plan to go out to my dad's early, hoping to avoid my brother, get some stuff done, lock the doors this time, and get out. Then another dilemma presented itself to me: I had forgotten I had to do my city income tax forms, which here are due April 30! Oh, great, all my stuff is at work, too. One more thing to fit in. So the plan then revised itself to include time to do that and THEN I would go run. And, as you already know, that didn't happen!

By the time I got done at my dad's, again being interrupted for more than an hour by my sister-in-law, her kids and the dog running in and out, it was getting hot, nice for a weekend, but not nice for a 2+ hour run. It was almost 75 by then, and I am not a heat runner, especially since we haven't really had any heat yet. So I'll wait until like 4 pm to go, I thought, when it is likely to be cooler.

To be fair to myself, I did attempt to run at 4 pm, but it still was too hot and sunny for me, and as I said, my mind wasn't into it. I was tired, woozy, stressed, and troubled by my family issues, and just decided to get up early today and attempt some sort of run.

Today, same thing: tired. So the question now is: Will I or won't I run today?? Come on people, I need some encouragement!